Start of Spring Break.

Today is the first day of Spring Break. Well, not technically. It really starts Monday, but for me it starts today. I am really excited, but today I am extremely bored. Boredom does not sit well with me. It causes me to think about unnecessary things. Things like how fat I am or feel I am and how to restrict my food. Things that most would think are very unproductive. I guess I would agree, but I cant help it. I was reading a magazine this morning, and there was an article about Demi Lovato. What she said really struck me. She said that recovery and people (she went to rehad for bulimia) are not like cars. You cant send them to the repair shop and they come out fixed. Recovery is a long process. Therefore, she was trying to tell the general public that no she is not magically healed! I feel the same way as her sometimes. People who dont have struggles just dont get it. They dont understand and it is so frustrating.

Spring break is hard for me. I really would like to be laying out by the pool or sitting at the beach...perhaps in Palm Springs even, but my body is so utterly distgusting that I cant do any of them. As much as I want my body to be healthy enough to do those things, I still cannot fathom the idea of gaining weight. It just seems so gross and unnecessary to me. I wish there was a button that I could push where I would magically appear at a healthy weight...or at least a weight where I could lay out. It takes time I guess.

On a side note, I have been slacking on the blogging. I was going to try and blog everyday! Geez Shannon...you need to get better at these things. I lack motivation and it is so frustrating! Ughh!!!

Not so lazy sunday

Today is Sunday. I usually like Sundays. I look forward to going for a walk at Pavion after sleeping in until 8 or 9...well not really sleeping, but laying in bed. I dont think I will ever be able to sleep in super late. Its just not possible for me. ughh. I wish it were. I got up today and took the dogs for a walk. Mom and dad are still in Arizona. I slept in their room last night, and didnt get much sleep. I just could not fall asleep...let alone stay asleep. After my walk this morning, Haley and I drove up to Buffalo Exchange. They actually bought stuff from me today. A whole 17 dollars worth. Better than nothing I guess though. I didnt find anything to buy though. I guess that is good though because I do not need anything! When we got home, Drew was sprawled out all over the house. It was a beer fest and it gave me a ton of anxiety. The only reason that he is still here is because mom and dad are gone. He was supposed to go home today. I guess not...I hoped they would be gone before Haley and I got home from the movies. We went to see Big Miracle. The movie about saving the whales. It was cute. Drew was still here when we got home though. I had to go for a walk to relieve my anxiety. The house was a mess and I ended up cleaning it for him. They finally just left. Thank god. It has been a long day. I have to work tomorrow. Time to relax for a few!!

The start of the blog...

Today has been a very hard day. Mom and dad left for Arizona and I am home alone with Drew and Haley. I got a muffin for breakfast along with my Starbucks and felt bad for eating it...it didn't even taste good. After they left, I found myself really bored. I already miss them and its only been a few hours. I ate lunch and now just ate another Golden Spoon. I feel incredibly fat and distgusting. Its only 4:00.....ughh. I wanted to go for a walk but Haley got mad at me for wanting to go so I skipped it. I don't know what to do. How am I going to make it until Tuesday?