Today is the first day of Spring Break. Well, not technically. It really starts Monday, but for me it starts today. I am really excited, but today I am extremely bored. Boredom does not sit well with me. It causes me to think about unnecessary things. Things like how fat I am or feel I am and how to restrict my food. Things that most would think are very unproductive. I guess I would agree, but I cant help it. I was reading a magazine this morning, and there was an article about Demi Lovato. What she said really struck me. She said that recovery and people (she went to rehad for bulimia) are not like cars. You cant send them to the repair shop and they come out fixed. Recovery is a long process. Therefore, she was trying to tell the general public that no she is not magically healed! I feel the same way as her sometimes. People who dont have struggles just dont get it. They dont understand and it is so frustrating.
Spring break is hard for me. I really would like to be laying out by the pool or sitting at the beach...perhaps in Palm Springs even, but my body is so utterly distgusting that I cant do any of them. As much as I want my body to be healthy enough to do those things, I still cannot fathom the idea of gaining weight. It just seems so gross and unnecessary to me. I wish there was a button that I could push where I would magically appear at a healthy weight...or at least a weight where I could lay out. It takes time I guess.
On a side note, I have been slacking on the blogging. I was going to try and blog everyday! Geez Shannon...you need to get better at these things. I lack motivation and it is so frustrating! Ughh!!!
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